How do I know if I married the right person?

Sometimes ago a lady once asked me a question. “She said, “How do I know I married the right person?” I looked at her; I said “it depends.” I use to know a quotation, by Sheri and Bob Stritof

“I did not always think he was not right nor did he always think I was right thou we were”.

Every marriage has cycle and beginning, when you fell in love with your spouse, you anticipated their calls and wanted their touch. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. Falling in love with your spouse is not hard. In fact it is completely spontaneous. You don’t have to do anything, that is called “Falling” in love but it will come.

After a few years of marriage, the excitement and happiness of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of every relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls becomes a bother, touch isn’t always welcome. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage, that is when you first fall in love and much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, this question comes up whereby you and your spouse might start saying or asking, “Did I marry the right person.” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is where marriage breakdown comes in and you blame your spouse for your failure, unhappiness and look outside the marriage for fulfillment.

Extra marital fulfillment comes in but the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. After marriage you will still fall in love with some else. You could temporarily feel you’d feel better but you will be in the same situation in few years later

The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person. It’s learning to love the person you found. You can’t “find” lasting love. You have to “make” it.

There is this expression “The labour of love”. This is because it takes time, effort and energy. And most importantly, it takes wisdom. You have to know what to do to make your marriage work.

Think of walking out of it? NO! Because unless you find out where your issue really lie, and resolve them, you are destined to repeat the same mistakes.

Make no mistake about it. Love is not a mystery, being married is never easy. When you feel the love is gone, make an effort to stay married anyway. Your family deserves it. Some couples choosing to make their marriage work even when they don’t feel love for each other and even when the marriage being on abusive situation, it is a choice that should be supported by friends and family members. If the choice has been made to continue the marriage no matter what the scenario, there are things that can be done to succeed with your marriage.

  1. Remember you choose your spouse: the marriage may be hit a bad time that is not a good reason to end the marriage. You just have to learn to work through the bad time. Enduring difficult circumstances is a character building and relationship strengthening opportunity. Learn to embrace the challenges, work through the difficulties and come out stronger for making the effort; this is essential if you want to stay together.
  2. Put your spouse first: It might be difficult, but learn to put your feelings aside and treat your spouse as your top priority, this will work wonders in the happiness of the home. Some people may ask “why do I always be the one to bring forth the effort?” if this is the question you are asking, then ask yourself another one “Do you want your marriage to work or not?
  3. Recall the things you love most about your spouse: Remember the good days, the special time you spend together, how you always anticipated calls and wanted their touch. The joy and happiness inside you, when you first met, your wedding day and every special day you have. Learn to love your spouse again and commit to stay together

And if you think your relationship has more troubles, and all these can’t work, then you are probably right. However, many issues and problems can be resolved and they don’t mean separation or divorce. If you still have a connection, or have been together for a long time or you have children, you may want to try a relationship rather than walk away. Whatever your problem someone else has faced it as well.

To stay together and make a marriage work even if you think you, you no longer love your spouse can be difficult, but with a positive attitude, a “can do” spirit and willing heart it is possible to have the happy loving family of your dream.

A nice movie that illustrates how a little effort can make a difference in your marriage is “why did I get married?” Happiness in your marriage is a choice and a deliberate effort.

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